yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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