So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My dick has a subreddit
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize