Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
