Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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