Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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