I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Randomize
