dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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