I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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