my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
