Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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