I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
