note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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