u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
