So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
