FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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