Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
