felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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