Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Pants are for mortals
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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