omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
