We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize