careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
