That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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