Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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