that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
