yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Randomize
