Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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