I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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