i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Panties = found
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
