Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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