Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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