Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
What drink are we having for lunch?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
