Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Randomize