You really coming over, don't trick.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
