last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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