why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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