her vagine was all disorganized.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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