He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
