dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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