Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
