i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
