Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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