oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
