is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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