Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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