i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
