do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize