just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Dear god my vagina.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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