I'm lost and stupid without you.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
