So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
