Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
