I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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