We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
