im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
