I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
