if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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