I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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