I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
