How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
