just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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