During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
