How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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