just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
