You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
