i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
