census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
