just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
