I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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