White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
