You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
