So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
