why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
